The Psychic View: Searching for Love
By Marjorie Young
Perhaps the most frequent theme during my readings concerns the elusive quest for the ‘right person.’ “Where is he?” many bemoan. Clients recount numerous relationships, including marriage, yet still fail to find ‘the one,’ creating much frustration and hopelessness.
While each individual is unique, the same patterns tend to repeatedly emerge. It goes something like this: they’ll meet someone, quickly jump into a physical relationship, then notice ominous symptoms that cause dismay (a controlling personality, drinking to excess, etc). However, by then, she feels ‘involved’ and wills herself to believe things will somehow magically improve. She may further be convinced that ‘fate’ is responsible this encounter…and so is compelled to ‘make it work.’
Obviously, such a formula hardly promises success. But when/if the relationship ends, she’ll likely return to the same merry-go-round to seek another partner. (Men can prove as guilty of this as women).
This recipe is akin to playing Russian roulette, and hoping to get lucky! Yet there is a method that, though relatively simple, increases the percentage for success by leaps and bounds.
It is vital to discover what one is seeking, and not seeking in a partner. To begin, I recommend composing a list of qualities you desire in – for example, honesty, sense of humor, confidence, good communication, etc. The list can be as long as you like, though I’d recommend twenty items as a minimum. Obviously no one should be expected to encompass all these marvelous attributes. Yet, it will clarify your personal vision of the ‘right’ person. It strikes me how little thought is put into this vital subject - far less than in buying a car or computer. Perhaps it’s not considered ‘romantic’ to use our brains while considering love, but there’s nothing ‘romantic’ about a string of failed relationships either.
Equally important is the list of ‘warning signs’ or ‘deal breakers’. For example – anger management issues, too negative or critical, etc. Carefully consider behavior patterns you’ve habitually encountered, realizing these areas may be especially significant for you. Then, pay heed to these signals. They exist for your own protection. It is vital to acknowledge the real person you’re dealing with, not the ‘fantasy-version’ you hope he’ll morph into someday!
Finally, it is vital not to jump into a physical relationship before truly getting to know your potential partner. I recommend waiting about two months. I realize this is not ‘fashionable,’ but would you rather be trendy, or form a lasting bond? If danger signals arise, bow out quickly. If, however, at the end of a number of weeks, you spot many fine qualities, and he/she has been willing to learn more about you (as opposed to simply jumping into bed with someone), you can move forward with confidence that this person is, at the very least, well worth your time. As when building a house, you need to start with a firm foundation. Stop attempting to build on quicksand, and you won’t regret it!
As always, I look forward to your comments/questions. Please contact me at: email@example.com.
Read Marjorie's past columns, here.
Marjorie is available for readings at the Ballard Sunday Market, her Ballard home, and also by phone.
Please visit her novel's website at: www.theboywithgoldeneyes.com